I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
