one might say we're banned from that church
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Drake has all the answers
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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