i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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