I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
