I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im holly from the hills drunk
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
