After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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