if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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