i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
