belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
