I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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