Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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