So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
