just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
