Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't deserve a penis
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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