Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
