i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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