Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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