take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
