Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
