I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
