It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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