yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
