so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
