i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
