If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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