I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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