I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
