Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
