Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
