I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You made out with two different species that night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
