I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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