he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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