you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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