Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
