new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
