You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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