I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
