My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Im part way to drunk.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
