No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
