I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
