I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
