Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
