I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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