Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
