I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
