I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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