I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
