it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
