At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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