Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
